In the previous couple of posts in this series, I wrote a bit about the journey I’ve been on over the past few years. I was intending on continuing in short order with a further exposé of what was going on in my life right now and I what I felt God was calling me to do. That is still my intention, but there’s just one problem:

Everything has changed!

Now what I was planning to tell you about has not changed, not one bit, but the context in which I expected to share it is completely different. Both my personal and professional life is going through a massive restructuring right now, and it is obviously and graciously being done by God in ways I couldn’t even begin to describe to you. If this year has been the most instense year of my entire life, these past few months have been the most intense days I can remember.

I wish I could spill the beans, but it’s not quite the right time yet. As soon as I am at liberty to do so, I will. I’m not under any delusion that I’m such a popular guy that you are just waiting with baited breath to hear my story, and generally I don’t really like to share my “blow-by-blow” personal life on this blog, but I know there are a few friends of mine who do enjoy reading this blog regularly.

It may take a little while, but Part 2 is coming. Until then, I pray that God blesses you with immesurable peace and holy well-being. He is so Good!

Hey, welcome back. The saga continues.

In my previous post, I went back in time to 2006 and began to describe some of the events that occurred that year, things that would make a huge impact on my spiritual life. However, I failed to mention one very important event which profoundly affected every area of my life. On August 4, 2006, my mom died after a lengthy bout with cancer. She left this world in peace, surrounded by family and friends, and most importantly, Jesus. I could write long and hard about everything I learned and experienced through that ordeal, but the main point that’s germane to this conversation is what I learned about servitude.

When a person you deeply care about becomes utterly dependent on you for their needs, physically and emotionally, and you have the responsibility to take care of them and serve them unselfishly, sacrificing your own desires for their well-being, your outlook on life shifts. Your perspective changes. Your heart softens. You realize that the most important thing in the world isn’t to make yourself feel good, but to do good. The universe no longer revolves around you. Instead, you have an obligation to give of yourself — your time, money, resources, and capacity to love — because there are people counting on you. It’s no longer about what you can get out of a relationship. It’s not a transaction. It’s a sacrifice. And you do it willingly because unconditional love is the only thing that really, truly matters.

Putting this all into context, that fateful year of 2006 was the school of hard knocks for me. I learned about mission and divine purpose from those crazy photographers. I learned about servant leadership from helping my mom in her last days. I learned about being on fire for God and seeking the atmosphere of heaven from Infusion. I learned about laying my life down to follow Jesus when I was baptized, when I was filled with the Holy Spirit.

All this was leading up to a decision I knew I had to make, and on December 20, 2006, I wrote this in my diary:

It’s time. I can’t continue to deny what I know the Spirit is telling me. I’m being called to full-time ministry.

Wow. Now full-time ministry is a loaded term, and I was the first to admit I didn’t have a clue what it would look like. You need to understand that it had only been a few short years since I had been living in the state of mind that the Church in the West was dying, that evangelism was something only a few die-hard Christian fanatics were into (certainly not me), and that my main obligation to God was to fulfill my ambitions to become a famous musician/artist and computer entrepreneur. Even though I believed all the “right stuff” about God, Jesus, and Christianity, I felt my calling was 100% in the secular arena. Church was for dorks. A bunch of boring people sitting around in ugly buildings singing mediocre pop-ripoff songs and talking about going to heaven someday. I found life right here on earth far too interesting to fixate on all that rubbish. I’d fellowship with a few Christian friends here and there, and hang out with my family, but basically, I was all about working on the projects I wanted to accomplish so I could make my way in the world.

Thus, if someone had approached me back in, say, 2003, and prophesied that I would be dedicating myself completely to God’s service and contemplating entering into a life of ministry, I would have thought they were certifiably insane. I was about as cut out to be a missionary or a pastor as a cat is cut out to lay eggs. It seemed ludicrous. Dammit Jim, I’m a creative geek, not a church minister!

But none of that matters. When God tells you to do a thing, you do it, lest you ignore Him at your peril. I had come too far down the road to spiritual awakening and blessing to turn my back on Him now. So I accepted the call. I began to align my life in such a way that, when the time was right, I could enter in the full expression of the destiny that God had placed on my life.

That was almost two years ago. What has happened since then? What about right now? I’m still working in the computer industry. I’m still an artist working on music. Why didn’t everything just go “poof” and all of a sudden I’m wearing a clergyman’s collar and preaching on the hidden meanings of Leviticus? Well, in case you hadn’t noticed, God doesn’t work that way. Yet, while He works in mysterious ways, He does work in tangible ways if you have the eyes to see and ears to hear. So I’ve been on a journey of discovery throughout 2007 and so far this year, a journey that has led me to some very exciting discoveries and some very interesting conclusions. And they are…? Well, you’ll just have to tune in next time for Behind the Curtain: Present Unveiled. Until then, be blessed in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ!

I’ve been holding out on you. I’ve been keeping secrets. Isn’t that awful? In this postmodern era of cultural transparency, authenticity, the death of privacy, etc., and being a blogger to boot, I haven’t been disclosing all the things going on in my life. To a certain extent, it’s been because of two reasons, nay, three — first of all, I’m wary of coming off as a narcissist. I’d rather let my actions speak louder than my words. Second, this is a public blog, potentially read by family, friends, co-workers, church goers, and enemies alike (not that I have any, of course). I write a little something here, I literally shout it out to the whole world, so I need to tread carefully. Last but not least, I’m always mindful of valuing and protecting the revelation that God has given me, and I’d rather err on the side of quiet stillness before God than flippant boasting.

That being said, I finally feel like I’ve got the green light to begin to unveil and unpack the general thrust of the spiritual journey I’ve been on. This will take a few posts to get through, but once it is complete, I’ll be prepared to make some substantial announcements about the direction of this blog as well as the upcoming launch of an exciting Web site project. Piqued your interest yet? Read on…

The best place to start is a couple of years ago. (For more personal backhistory, read this post featuring my testimony.) In the summer of 2006, I attended a local photography workshop taught by a couple of itinerant photojournalists. These guys traveled all over the world at the behest of various organizations and missionary groups interested in arts education. In our case, some friends of mine got a bunch of people together who knew each other mainly through a Bible study/fellowship. At any rate, I knew these guys were Christians, but I figured I was attending to learn how to take better photos.

I definitely got my money’s worth on that score, and my photography skills were noticeably improved, but the most important thing I got out of the sessions had nothing to do with art. They explained to us that they saw their work as photographers as more than just a livelihood or an opportunity to express themselves (the typical artist shtick). They felt that God had called them supernaturally to fulfill a higher destiny, and their art was simply a bridge to reach out to people, to enrich lives, to share the love of Christ, to make a difference in the world. These men weren’t just floating through life trying to stay above water — they were living intentional lives of divine adventure, of radical obedience, of crazy devotion to God as His beloved children. To illustrate just how crazy these dudes were, when we were out on a field trip taking pics, one guy got a phone call from an orphanage down in South America somewhere. It wanted them to teach several hundred kids how to take photos. Since their calendar for the next couple of weeks was clear, they said “sure, you’re on!” And that was that. Crazy.

During these sessions, we learned the art of taking photographs, but we also learned the art of living. We were challenged to give ourselves fully over to God’s will for our lives. We were exhorted to live lives of purpose. We were entreated to pray and ask God to show us what He desired for us, and then go after that destiny with zeal and passion and holy surrender — no matter dangers might lie ahead, no matter what the odds.

That was the beginning of a sea change in my life, a change of heart and enlightenment that sparked a fire within me. I began to feel like all during my life prior, I had only been sleepwalking. My eyes were beginning to open. I was filled with a holy discontent, a longing for something greater than I was experiencing. I wanted to feel like I was “on safari” like those nutty photographers, leaving the safety of the ordinary for the thrill of the unknown. I didn’t want to live for my own pleasure anymore. I wanted to live for God, to live under the leading and guidance of the Holy Spirit — wherever He might take me.

The next phase in my spiritual journey was October 2006. Banning Liebscher of JesusCulture graciously came down to our church and put on a mini-conference which we called Infusion. To say we were infused with the fire and Spirit of God during this time is a gross understatement. It utterly transformed my life. Ever since I have attended both the winter and summer JesusCulture conferences in Redding, CA, and every single time I have encountered God and left a new man. No matter what happens in my life, good or bad, this I know: I’ll never be the same again.

The main thing I got out of Infusion was this: being a Christian isn’t saying I believe in some doctrines written in a book and that I believe that this man called Jesus really was God and saved me from sin and death through the crucifixion and resurrection recorded in said book. Being a Christian means being radically in love with God, crazy in love with my Father in Heaven, totally on fire for Jesus, ready to lay down my life for a Savior who lay down His for mine, pressing into the supernatural dimension of Heaven to bring God’s glory down to earth. His kingdom come, His will be done on earth as it is in heaven. That idea of a Spirit-filled, supernatural walk with God filled with hope, power, love, daring, adventure, romance, and ultimate fulfillment was breathtaking. Could this really be true? Was this really what the Bible was talking about? How could I have read it wrong all those years growing up? Was Banning nuts, or was I ignorant?

I was already fed up with my Christianity-in-a-Box and my dry, powerless approach to relationship with God, so Infusion lived up to its name. I walked away infused with a new sense of spiritual empowerment. God really cares about me, and He really has a plan for my life. A wonderful plan. All I need to do is seek Him out and embrace all that He has for me.

I was baptized for the first time in November 2006, even though I had accepted Jesus when I was, like 5 years old (probably in 1987 or so). I believe I had already been baptized in the Holy Spirit for a while prior to my water baptism, but when I came up out of the water, I spoke in tongues! That was a huge step forward for me, because it gave me a new spiritual tool I could use in my pursuit of God. To this day, I can’t imagine spending any length of time in prayer without speaking in my private prayer language. I value this gift more highly than gold.

By the time December of 2006 rolled around, I was feeling more and more the weight of God’s calling on my life, and something in me just couldn’t shake the feeling that everything I perceived concerning myself and my destiny was going to change. I had always seen myself as an artist and a computer entrepreneur. But those are gifts. They’re not assignments. God was getting ready to give me an assignment.

In the waning hours of 2006, on December 20 to be precise, I made a decision and wrote about it in my diary. I had been reading Mark Batterson’s book “In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day” when, all of a sudden, something just clicked. I knew, I knew that God was ready to set me on a new path, a new trajectory in my life, and I had to make a choice to accept or reject that call.

I’ll tell you what happened in my next post: Behind the Curtain: Future Unveiled. Thanks for reading…see you then!

You may think things are just cruising along in your life, but it doesn’t do you any good to be making tracks and moving along at a rapid pace if you are pointed in the wrong direction. You’ll just end up in the wrong place faster. Sometimes the best thing you can do is stop, sit down, and wait until you find out just where the heck you’re supposed to be heading toward.

My mind’s a bit hazy as I try to remember all the details, but the 2002-2004 timeframe was very difficult for me. Oddly enough, due to my eccentric upbringing, the bulk of my teen years in the 90′s went by smoothly, and I had a heap of fun. I was learning all sorts of things through my home schooling, I ran my own freelance Web design business, I performed music and toured with our family Celtic band “Distant Oaks”, I had a good amount of free time to explore different ideas and hobbies…it was a good time.

But as I headed into my early 20′s, my comfortable little bubble began to burst. We spent an extremely difficult couple of years on several creative projects that were like those “projects from hell” you hear about in artists’ circles. At the end of it all, we didn’t feel like our musical career was hitting its stride but rather we were going nowhere fast. In addition, this was the time when my mom started feeling unwell (it would be a while yet before we found out just how sick she was), and it impacted the frequency of our performances and our marketing campaign.

Beyond this, however, was a deeper sense of loneliness that was fast creeping up on me. For a long time, I hadn’t spent any effort trying to cultivate any lasting friendships with anyone, certainly not someone of the opposite sex in my age group. For one, I thought I was having plenty of fun doing family stuff (and sure, it was fun), and secondly, we were so busy touring around California and hanging out with musical acquaintances that I didn’t think I needed to “go out” with personal buddies. But suddenly, a case of artistic burnout coupled with a winding down of our career momentum left me reeling without any earth beneath my feet. I wasn’t in tune with God. I wasn’t going to church. I didn’t have any close friends. I didn’t even know any girls. I was in my 20′s and I felt like a looser, like one of those pimply-faced geeks they make fun of in tech cartoons. I was fat (really, I was). And, to top it all off, I had been dabbling in some sinful behavior that I knew was wrong and that I had been hiding from everyone else for a long time. All at once, what had often seemed like some innocent fun became the mark of a lost soul.

It all came to a head in (I believe it was) 2004 when I developed a severe case of colitis. I was out of shape, overweight, and now my digestive system was shot. I started not feeling like I could go anywhere because I’d have to run to the bathroom at any moment. I started having bouts of intense pain and felt like my body was breaking down. How could this be happening to me? It was only yesterday when I was young, carefree, and jolly, and now I’m a wreck. I thought I was having a nervous breakdown or had gotten “chronic fatigue syndrome” or some horrible disease.

But then something amazing happened. My mom, brother, and I were shopping at Whole Foods one day when one of us noticed this book called The Maker’s Diet by Jordan Rubin. With a title like that and a cover showing a rendition of the famous “Adam and God” painting by Michelangelo, it immediately grabbed our attention. After reading through it a bit and seeing Jordan’s amazing testimony of God’s healing through a Biblically-based diet, I immediately knew I had to try this diet as a way of saving my health. My mom agreed to do it with me to see if it’d make her feel better as well (and it really did for quite a while), and the rest of my family joined in as well simply because we weren’t going to cook two separate meals every time we sat down to eat!

I was astonished. In only a couple of weeks, I had lost at least 15 pounds, my colitis was nearly gone, and I felt more energetic than I had felt in months — even years. During the course of that summer, I ended up loosing over 30 pounds, and I’ve generally kept my weight and fitness in decent standing ever since. Oh, and my digestive system is working perfectly fine now, thank you very much.

But that’s really not the best part. The best part is that, when I first went on The Maker’s Diet, I also realized that I would need to go on a “spiritual” diet as well if I would at all be able to get out of the miserable hole I had fallen into. So I began to repent. I began to seek God again. I began to ask Him, beg Him to show me the way, to give my life meaning and purpose and direction again. I started reading the Bible more as well as Christian books filled with sound wisdom and revelation. It was a time of rapid transformation for both body and soul. As the months went by and I headed into 2005, I literally found myself rising up out of the darkness and loneliness that had ensnared me, and I began to catch a glimpse of the weighty prophetic destiny that God had placed on my life. It would be some time before that hazy picture became more clear — even now I’m still learning more about what God would have me do — but at least I knew I was finally headed in the right direction. Instead of moving to the beat of my own drum, I was following in the footsteps of my Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.

God is the ultimate travel agent. When I trusted Him with my life, He took me on a trip of excitement, adventure, and romance that is only just beginning and can only get better from here on out. If you haven’t yet taken that leap of faith and stepped out in a quest to seek new horizons, heroic deeds, and chivalrous acts of nobility, I pray that God will bless you with the courage and the daring to begin a new journey that will take you to the edge of eternity and beyond.

In the next part of this series, we will discuss ways of hearing from God in the Spirit in order to understand the next leg of our journey. ‘Till then, may God’s face shine upon you as He holds you in the palm of His hand!