“Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful.”

Welcome back to the Love Jam series! Last time I talked about how love shouldn’t be used like a drug intended to make you feel good, and its purpose is not to boost one’s own ego and elevate selfish needs over the needs of others.

At this juncture along the road to understanding the kind of love which the Apostle Paul writes about, we need to take a step back and look at a common element to the breakdown of loving relationships: friction. We all know what it feels like. Whether it’s between father and son, sister and brother, best friends butting heads, a guy and a girl — something is just not right. Tension is in the air. Every word spoken grates on the nerves. Any little comment can seem like an insult. Sometimes this may be a low-level feeling seething underneath the surface, whereas other times it is punctuated and explosive at the most inopportune moments.

Friction is almost always a result of one simple human truth: when someone makes you feel unwanted, stupid, disrespected, or misunderstood, you tend to get angry about it. This anger comes in the form of resentment, and resentment usually leads to a warfare mentality. We’re at war, it’s him/her against me, and we’re no longer working together in this thing called life but are at odds with one another.

Now if you think you’ll win the war by looking out for number one and standing up on your own two feet and declaring your rights, here’s a newsflash for you: you’ve bought into an insidious lie, and you’re a fool. Hey, don’t get mad at me for saying so — I’ve bought into this foolishness many times myself. I keep thinking that if only the other person would simply realize how bad they’ve made me feel, they’ll change and treat me right. Sorry, that never works out in the end, because here’s the deal: love does not insist on its own way. If I’m forcing someone to walk around on eggshells and baby my poor ego, I’m not showing them love, I’m actually robbing them of the joy, freedom, and compassion that they so rightly deserve as children of God.

Love is not irritable or resentful. This means that we need to keep a constant check on our attitudes and watch out for the things which cause us to lose focus on showing love with patience and kindness. If we allow friction to continue, we’ll get a blister on our souls. Remember how you get blisters on your hands or feet? Constant rubbing a little bit at a time. It can grow to be very painful, but the cause is so subliminal.

When we are upset, we will say the things we’d never say when we are in our right mind, and that is a danger. James puts it this way:

“We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check. When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.”

James 3:2-5

How can we stave off resentment and lift the other person up even when it feels like it’s at our expense? This is where a little wisdom goes a long way. “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18. The key is this: your measure of sacrificial love is in direct proportion to your revelation of the depth of love that God has for you and how much He has forgiven you even when you’ve sinned against Him. When you seek the Lord for wisdom and understanding, when you ask Him to show you the fissures and crevices in your own heart, when you allow Him to bring change and transformation to your own thoughts and emotions, you will discover that following the way of True Love by not insisting on your own way brings far more blessing, health, and peace to your relationships than all of your irritation and resentment.

I pray the following verse on a regular basis for myself as well as others, and I have found it to be extremely powerful. There is no one alive today who is not in need of a larger heart. May God give us more of His heart as we chase after Him!

“I will run in the way of your commandments when you enlarge my heart!”

Psalm 119:32

“Love does not boast; it is not arrogant or rude.”

If I could sum up these three interrelated concepts that Paul addresses in his admonition to the church in Corinth, it’s simply this: don’t use.

Love is not an emotional drug. Love is not here to make you high. Love is not something that exists for your own selfish pleasure. Love does not use people, treating them like means to an end. Love does not seek its own glory. Love is not a vehicle for getting whatever you want out of life. Love is the very antithesis of narcissism.

Something has been bothering me a lot lately, and it just came to mind as I was writing this entry. The value of true love in our modern pop culture (and I’m speaking of romantic love in particular) has become greatly diminished, and that is truly a tragedy. Please, I don’t want to sound self-righteous when I say this, but it saddens me when I hear folks make cynical remarks and excuses for the institutional failure of marriage. When we hear about the rise of teen sex, or the skyrocketing divorce rate (even in the Church, which is deeply troubling), or the moral failure of so many leaders (even in the Church, which is deeply trou…um, yeah…), the response from a large segment of the population is just a sort of cop-out, like “well, that’s just the way it is. No getting around hormones. Our grandparents probably did all that too — they just didn’t talk about it. It’s only fundamentalist hypocrites who are making a big stink, and they’re off fooling around as much as anybody.”

How did we get here? Why are people so ready to make excuses? Now I want to make something very clear: following the ways of true love is hard work — really hard work! Believe me, I know! I struggle with love the same as the next dude. That’s why it’s so important that we follow love back to its source and discover the One Who is Love. Only the God of Love can empower us and enable us to live a life of true love. When we are tempted to allow pride and arrogance to blind us from the very real needs and dignity of others, when we begin to slide down the slippery slope towards coarse behavior which taints our thinking and perverts a godly perspective on covenant, that’s when we need to fall on our knees and beg God to fill us with His strength and wisdom to seek His will in our love relationships.

My #1 priority in life is to honor my parents, my family, my friends, my loved one, my neighbors, my co-workers, and — ultimately — to honor the God Who created them. I can only do that when I lay down my pride, my boasting, my selfishness and greed, my desire for personal gain, my negative emotions, and seek out what is in THEIR best interest over mine.

The Bible says that “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Wow! Since I really dig grace, maybe I should check out this humility deal. It might be good for me!

I love reading through Proverbs. The contrast between good and evil, wisdom and foolishness, light and dark, obedience and rebellion, love and hate — it’s all laid out in, well, black and white. Here we have a classic example: the writer of this proverb, Solomon, is making a comparison between having a heart that’s filled with peace, tranquility, soundness, healing, and a heart that’s corroded by envy, jealousy, competitiveness, mean-spiritedness, self-centeredness, a “what’s in it for me?” attitude. The former brings life to your flesh, nourishment to your body. The latter makes your very bones turn to dust.

This teaching is pretty clear. If you want to live a healthy, successful life, seek God’s peace and healing. If you want to live a life doomed to sickness and destruction, follow your negative emotions into the pit. Guess what? That’s what I did. There was once a time when I focused on myself. I blamed others for my own failures. I allowed anger to rise up within me when I saw others more successful than myself. I looked for ways to boost my own standing rather than help my fellow man in a sincere manner. I wasn’t a source of healing in my life or others. Rather, I desperately NEEDED healing!

Thank God for God! He is the Healer! He longs to restore our hearts and drive out the demonic forces of envy and jealousy that would seek to destroy us. I don’t know about you, but cultivating cancer in my bones doesn’t sound too pleasant. Maybe learning how to walk along the path of true love — cultivating a peaceful and tranquil heart — would be a far more beneficial endeavor!

How are your bones?

“Love does not envy.”

At long last, the Love Jam series continues! It’s been over a month since the previous installment, largely due to the fact that momentous events transpiring in my personal life combined with several weeks of ongoing illness (I literally caught the flu from hell) rendered my abilities to focus on blogging severely limited. But here I am, and this time around the topic is very interesting.

I must admit, I’ve had a bit of a hard time discerning where I should go with the concept of envy. The Greek word zeloo suggests connotations of jealousy, covetousness, and “heat” in the sense of negative emotions against someone, or indignation. Interestingly enough, the same word can also imply, in different contexts, to be zealous in the pursuit of good or to earnestly desire something.

Perhaps therein lies the dilemma. We often start out a quest to obtain something desirable with good intentions. We want to be honest, caring, and “do the right thing”. We usually don’t premeditate a path of envy and jealousy! The problem lies in our fallen sin nature. What begins as a noble pursuit often ends up in bitter strife. We begin to covet what others have that we do not, or we allow anger to rise up inside of us when we see others’ successes amidst our own failures. We want things to come easy, and when they don’t, we aren’t content to wait our turn.

Here’s another way to look at envy. Do you remember ever having a really miserable day — feeling lousy with a pile of work to do — and then some friend or family member comes along and describes all the fun they’ve been having or will be having and how awesome everything is? What is your reaction? Do you want to say “that’s great, I’m so happy for you! Rock on!” or do you feel like slamming their head against a brick wall? Hmm, maybe it’s just me. Usually when I’m feeling miserable, I want everyone else to join me in my misery. How dare they feel great! How dare they have fun when I’m going through hell!

In very close relationships (best friends or man/woman), jealousy can often sneak up on you when you least expect it. A little perceived slight here, a little rebuff there, a little too much attention paid to a personal annoyance, and you can find yourself falling into a dangerous pit of hostility towards the other person. What’s wrong with you? How come you’re spending so much time focusing on [fill in the blank] when you should be focusing on ME! Aren’t I the most important thing going?

The Apostle Paul says that love does not envy. Rather, love honors someone else’s successes and accomplishments, even when you feel like a failure. Love cherishes someone else’s blessings and possessions, even when you feel like you have nothing. Love appreciates and respects someone else’s priorities, pastimes, and pursuits, even when you feel like they take attention away from yourself.

Love gives the other person room to be themselves. To be who God created them to be. Love celebrates the other person — even at your own expense. I want to be someone who honors others, and that’s why I have to be vigilant to ensure that in my zeal and my desire to pursue good things, I don’t give way to the negative side of those passions.

“So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander. Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up to salvation— if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good.”

1 Peter 2:1-3

“Love is kind.”

We’re continuing this series on the attributes of love that the Apostle Paul describes in his first letter to the church in Corinth. In the first two posts, I talked a good deal about patience and the importance of waiting and being content with lack while trusting in God for future supply. Now it’s time to move on to the next facet of love: kindness.

Kind. Gracious. Mannerly. Useful in a moral way. These are words we could use to describe the implications of the original Greek meaning, and they provide a useful (to pardon the pun) insight into this aspect of love. Here’s the bottom line: I really need to work on this! You see, I tend to jump to conclusions. I tend to attach motives to people’s actions very quickly, which can prompt a response in me that isn’t always appropriate or accurate. Yet showing kindness means that I behave in a gracious manner towards someone — even if I don’t think they deserve it. I lay down pride, anger, or resentment, and pursue a path of peace. I want what’s best for that person. I want them to succeed. I want to encourage them, build them up, show them I care. I value them. I honor them.

Kindness is like a pleasant odor — the whole room fills up with the sweet smell, and every other noxious fume is displaced. Treat a person kindly, and you will begin to see that the barriers come down between you and a bridge is built. The challenge is that this is sometimes very difficult! If you are being treated badly, or you are having to defend yourself, or you are in disagreement with someone, it’s easy to lose sight of the kindness factor and become self-centered in your thinking. “Well, they just don’t understand me. They just don’t get me. They just can’t see things my way. They’re in error.” Whether that’s true or not is beside the point — once you start to go down that road, it can become impossible to behave in a gracious manner. You can stand on your principals and be secure in your judgement and still be kind, and while that sometimes seems like too much to handle, we as Christians are meant to call upon the Holy Spirit to fill us with the strength and the grace to walk in kindness and humility.

Make kindness a core pillar of your relationship with others, and you will discover a spiritual growth and a harvest of fruit that will stand the test of time and all the pressures of life. And never forget this simple truth of humanity: a kind smile can wash away a world of hurt!

“Love is patient.”

Last week I introduced the concept of patience as the ability to be content with lack as you wait upon the Lord to bring you supply. Now I’d like to delve into some of the ramifications of this waiting period — learning how to enjoy the “meantime”. Specifically, three points came to me as I was pondering this “in the meantime” aspect of patience.

Goals vs. seasons

We often tend to think of life as a series of goals to be accomplished (especially the men in our midst!), and while that line of thinking has many fine points, it can be rather destructive in the context of relationships. Love is patient. Love is not afraid of waiting. Love looks not towards the end result of a task completed but towards the transformation and enlightenment that occurs along the way. It’s all about the season of life you are in — the journey, not the destination. When the proper time arrives, you may discover that you have reached your “destination” without even realizing it! I often marvel at how unexpected and unusual the journey has been that brought me to where I am today, and I’ve grown to expect that future destinations will require an equal dose of “circumstantial uncertainty” — or adventure as Mark Batterson defines it.

Processing time

Different people take different amounts of time to process ideas or things that happen. Now I’ve always been very good at moving fast, making decisions fast, and trying out new things or new approaches. I hate feeling like I’m just standing still. It bothers me whenever I leave questions unresolved. It’s taken me a while to realize this, but I’m not ashamed of my personality — God created me this way for a reason. The challenge lies in recognizing that my timetable isn’t always someone else’s timetable. I may need to wait. I may need to take a step back. I may need to give someone some space for a while. Patience in this sense is the grace to allow someone to walk along a path for a while until they get to the next junction — and not give into the pressure to hurry them along. And who knows? You might just find that as you spend some time to rest and admire the scenery, you’ll be glad you weren’t in a hurry!

Servitude

I’ll have more to say on this in future posts, but serving someone requires a great deal of patience. You are setting aside your needs in order to accommodate someone else’s. Having a servant’s heart requires the ability to say “I can put my dreams, my ego, my wants, my desires aside for a while. This is your time. Right now, it’s all about you, not me.”

Jesus spent three years of his life hanging out with some of the dopiest dunderheads around. I mean, seriously, those guys were clueless. Here they were, constantly beholding the miracle-working power and Spirit-filled glory of the Son of God, receiving hands-on teaching that you and I could only dream of having, and most of the time they were grumbling and complaining and doubting and missing the point of the whole exercise. And lest you think I’m casting stones, I’m an even dopier dunderhead than they! What amazes me is how patient Jesus was! He never gave up, he never faltered, he never changed his mind. He came as the servant of all, and he modeled servitude and servant leadership to his disciples in a way that still imparts age-old and priceless wisdom to us today. If Jesus never gave up on his disciples and took them all the way from poor, unremarkable fishermen and scheming tax-collectors to world-famous, culture-shifting, empire-changing apostles, then how can I follow Jesus and not emulate his example of selfless, understanding, patient love?

Serve others. Give people time to process. Discern the season you are in and learn from it. Enjoy life “in the meantime.” You’ll find yourself a much happier person.

Love is patient. Love is kind. Stay tuned for the next installment!

“Love is patient.”

Here is take two of my first installment of the Love Jam series…the first take had no va-va-va voom! Somehow in the translation between my brain and the screen, the concepts I wanted to convey turned into greeting card sentiments. I’ll have to be careful to avoid that as I work through this series.

Here we go! And-a-one, and-a-two….

Maxima enim, patientia virtus — Patience is the greatest virtue. I tend to agree, because it is one of the most difficult to cultivate; yet properly executed, patience can reap tremendous rewards. The problem is we hate it. We hate being patient. We would rather focus on another virtue, like courage, or justice, or hope, or charity. Something glamorous, something people could admire. Patience isn’t glamorous. “Hey buddy, whatcha up to there?” “Oh nothing. I’m just being patient.” “Oookay. Good luck wit dat.”

Patience can also be translated from the Greek as “longsuffering” — and sometimes it certainly feels that way! You see, patience necessarily implies lack. You are waiting for something that you do not yet have in your possession, or you are waiting for an event that has not yet occurred.

You are lacking. And when humans lack, humans fight back.

James 4:1-3 puts it this way:

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.

I think there’s a key here. Maybe when I’m having a hard time being patient, it’s because I’m allowing my passions to be at war within me. I’m asking for the wrong thing — my will be done, not Thy will be done. I should be passionate about the things that matter to God — the work He wants to accomplish in me and through me. Rather than bang my head against the wall because of what I lack, I should be cheerfully preparing to receive whatever He wants to give me in its proper time.

“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:19

Amen to that! God knows what I need even better than I know myself, so I desire to do whatever it takes to become ready for His supply to meet my needs, supernaturally!

There’s more to say about being patient, particularly in the context of love (which is what this series is all about!), so I’ll continue on that riff in my next post. Catch you then!

What am I talking about? I’m talking about Love, of course. To quote the 80′s hit song by Howard Jones:

What is love anyway, does anybody love anybody anyway

Now let me back up a second. Most of the time when people are talking about love in pop culture, they’re referring to a pale imitation of the real thing. Not only that, but it’s a corrupted form of only one aspect of love — romance — that has little awareness of the deeper nature of love; of sacrifice, of humility, of mercy, of genuine compassion. Love, ultimately, contains within it an element of death — you die to yourself in order to live for another. But most people don’t want to die, which is why true love is a rarity.

So, as Howard Jones asks, what is love anyway? How should we love, and can we even truly love in the right way? Perhaps love is indeed a mystery, and there’s no telling how deep one can go or how far one still has to go to plumb its sacred depths. I’m sure that’s close to the truth, but I believe we can gain a certain level of insight or understanding of love’s basic principles, which is why I am embarking on a new series called Love Jam. Like good Jazz, learning to love is a bit like improvising on a theme. As my starting theme, I will be using the attributes of love that the Apostle Paul lists in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. From there on out, whatever comes to mind as I meditate and “improvise” on that theme, I will blog over a period of about a couple of months or so.

Interestingly enough, I’ve never read any commentary on this famous passage of Scripture. I may be one of the few Christians out there who hasn’t! So this will be fun for me. I hope you receive something useful from my explorations as well.

So, without further adieu, here is the theme. I will start again from the top in my next post. Enjoy!

Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love does not envy or boast.
Love is not arrogant or rude.
Love does not insist on its own way.
Love is not irritable or resentful.
Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.

In the first chapter of the book of Hebrews, the author quotes the following passage from Psalm 45:6-7 as a Messianic prophecy concerning the Son of God:

Your throne, O God, is forever and ever. The scepter of your kingdom is a scepter of uprightness; you have loved righteousness and hated wickedness. Therefore God, your God, has anointed you with the oil of gladness beyond your companions.

As is made plain here, the oil of gladness is an anointing that flows from the very throne room of God onto…whom? Christ! What is contained within this anointing? The Hebrew word used here, sasown, refers to a welcoming state of cheerfulness, mirth, rejoicing. I could imagine waking up in the morning full of excitement and happy anticipation to go spend a wonderful day of merrymaking with close friends — sasown!

But what about Jesus being a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief, stricken, afflicted? That was the essence of Jesus’ sacrificial mission to bear our sins and suffering on the cross, but that was not the final purpose of his ministry. It’s helpful to consider Paul’s reference to the “ministry of reconciliation” in II Corinthians 5:18 that God gave to us through Christ. Reconciliation is where two parties come together and set aside past differences to come to a common accord, an agreement, harmony. The parable of the prodigal son that Jesus so beautifully illustrates is a great example of this reconciliation ministry. And what do we find happening when the father is reconciled to his wayward son? A celebration of joy! Gladness! Mirth! Rejoicing!

The ministry of Jesus is the ministry of reconciliation — between us as former sinners now saved and sanctified by Jesus’ blood and God the Father. We are no longer separated by a gulf of iniquity, chaos, and death. The chasm has been crossed, by the power of the cross, and that is truly something to be glad about!

The other passage in the Bible that talks about the oil of gladness is in the book of Isaiah, and interestingly enough, it’s also within the context of a Messianic prophesy. We’ll delve more into that on the next post in this series. Until then, may God fill you with sasown!

For your reference, the previous posts in this series are:

• 1: Paths
• 2: Immanuel
• 3: Direction
• 4: Voices
• 5: Prophecy

So let’s get down to it. You’ve realized that you want to venture forth on the adventure of a lifetime and that you need God’s help to get to where you’re going. You want to make sure you’re hearing His voice and obeying His command. You need supernatural revelation to give you the keys to unlocking your destiny. That’s all very well and good, but how do you actually do all that? Just thinking about these ideas is not enough. It’s time to put your money where your mouth is and take that first baby step.

Based on my own experience thus far, an overall strategy has emerged that I believe can aid you in your quest. I’m not saying that this is a magic formula or appropriate to your stage in life, but it’s generally a pattern that I’ve seen repeated over and over again and has been tremendously helpful in my life. I hope it blesses you and gives you newfound confidence that God is going to do great things in you and through you!

So what is this strategy? It is this:

1. Walk away. The first step in following after God’s own heart is realizing you have to repent. To repent means to turn away, to change course. It’s easy to get fixated on repenting from outright sin and forget that in many cases we need to repent from desires, affections, ambitions, and pursuits that are holding us back from what God has for us. Don’t just mumble “sorry” and then fall right back into it all. Don’t hesitate. Just walk away. Say goodbye and never look back. If you want to reach your God-given potential, then Jesus has to be The Boss.

2. Give up your ideology. When you start living life for Jesus with passion and zeal, expect Him to smash your ideology, crush your theology, and demolish your philosophy. When I rededicated my life to Christ a few years ago, it began a chain of events which ended up redefining almost everything I thought I knew about God and what it meant to be a Christian. The key is to make yourself vulnerable to the corrections and convictions of the Holy Spirit. Trust me, it’ll be good.

3. Get connected. You can’t do the Christian life alone. Christianity is not an individualistic spiritual path, it is a Spirit-filled community. You are not just some organic robot that needs the right software to work right, you are a vital member of the worldwide Body of Christ. You need help! You need to be loved! You need people to pray for you and prophesy over you! While I don’t believe in the “any church is good church” doctrine that says you must go to church to be a good Christian, I do believe that God has a place for you in His body — though it may take some time to find that place. Don’t give up — once you get there, it’ll be like coming home. It’ll be like Heaven on earth.

4. Ask, seek, knock. Start consuming books, podcasts, videos, etc. of godly Christian leaders with a proven track record in humility, pure faith, and spiritual fruit. No, these people aren’t perfect, and not everything they say is going to be The Truth, but they may have more experience in walking with God and following His ways than you do. Wisdom is worthy to be sought. Also, if you have the ability to travel, invest your time and money in attending some awesome conferences or revival meetings to get a feel for what God is doing around the earth. They will open your eyes to things you never dreamt were possible!

5. Face time. You can pray and read the Bible on a daily basis, but sometimes that ain’t gonna cut it. You need to get down on your knees before Almighty God and remove every other distraction for a significant period of time. Here’s a challenge: spend at least two full hours by yourself in a room with nothing but a Bible, a journal, and water. Don’t allow yourself to be interrupted by ANYTHING or ANYONE. Give a couple of hours of your life to God. And if you want a REAL challenge, try spending eight hours with God. I’ve done it once, and I can tell that just doing it once was life-changing. I’m looking forward to doing it again. It was incredibly hard at first, but believe it or not I was actually sad to leave His Presence after a while! (BTW, don’t feel bad if you snooze a little bit. God can speak to us through dreams, remember?)

6. Take action. Once you’ve repented of sin and unnecessary pursuits , given up your prideful presumptions about God and your destiny, gotten connected with fellow believers who can pray for you and prophesy into your life, sought out important spiritual truth and ways of worship that others have discovered, and spent meaningful and consecrated time alone in the Presence of the Lord, then it’s time to act out the faith that’s stirring in your heart. The things that the Holy Spirit has been showing you, the person that He’s called you to be — you need to take steps to move in that direction. Perhaps that means seeking out someone to mentor you. Perhaps it means changing jobs. Perhaps it means talking to your family about some serious things you have been keeping to yourself. Perhaps it means seeking counseling or prayer therepy to deal with past issues that must be dealt with. Perhaps it means launching out into a new endeavor. Perhaps it means simply going out into the world and ministering to people in need just like Jesus did! Whatever “action” represents in the context of your life, you need to step out in faith and believe in what God has shown you. The Christian life isn’t talk, it’s walk, after all.

Rinse and repeat as necessary. I’ve gone through this cycle more than once, and probably every time that God leads me into a new season, I have to go through the process. Don’t feel bad if you falter at any one of these points, because it’s never, ever too late to try again! Remember, God’s grace and mercy is fresh and new every day. He will give you the strength to overcome your weaknesses and fulfill your destiny!

Thank you for embarking on this voyage of discovery with me. I was greatly blessed myself just writing it, so I truly hope it blesses you as well. If anything here has raised some questions or perhaps led to some testimonies, please let me know in the comments. May God richly reward you in everything that you do in Christ Jesus!