In the previous couple of posts in this series, I wrote a bit about the journey I’ve been on over the past few years. I was intending on continuing in short order with a further exposé of what was going on in my life right now and I what I felt God was calling me to do. That is still my intention, but there’s just one problem:

Everything has changed!

Now what I was planning to tell you about has not changed, not one bit, but the context in which I expected to share it is completely different. Both my personal and professional life is going through a massive restructuring right now, and it is obviously and graciously being done by God in ways I couldn’t even begin to describe to you. If this year has been the most instense year of my entire life, these past few months have been the most intense days I can remember.

I wish I could spill the beans, but it’s not quite the right time yet. As soon as I am at liberty to do so, I will. I’m not under any delusion that I’m such a popular guy that you are just waiting with baited breath to hear my story, and generally I don’t really like to share my “blow-by-blow” personal life on this blog, but I know there are a few friends of mine who do enjoy reading this blog regularly.

It may take a little while, but Part 2 is coming. Until then, I pray that God blesses you with immesurable peace and holy well-being. He is so Good!

Hey, welcome back. The saga continues.

In my previous post, I went back in time to 2006 and began to describe some of the events that occurred that year, things that would make a huge impact on my spiritual life. However, I failed to mention one very important event which profoundly affected every area of my life. On August 4, 2006, my mom died after a lengthy bout with cancer. She left this world in peace, surrounded by family and friends, and most importantly, Jesus. I could write long and hard about everything I learned and experienced through that ordeal, but the main point that’s germane to this conversation is what I learned about servitude.

When a person you deeply care about becomes utterly dependent on you for their needs, physically and emotionally, and you have the responsibility to take care of them and serve them unselfishly, sacrificing your own desires for their well-being, your outlook on life shifts. Your perspective changes. Your heart softens. You realize that the most important thing in the world isn’t to make yourself feel good, but to do good. The universe no longer revolves around you. Instead, you have an obligation to give of yourself — your time, money, resources, and capacity to love — because there are people counting on you. It’s no longer about what you can get out of a relationship. It’s not a transaction. It’s a sacrifice. And you do it willingly because unconditional love is the only thing that really, truly matters.

Putting this all into context, that fateful year of 2006 was the school of hard knocks for me. I learned about mission and divine purpose from those crazy photographers. I learned about servant leadership from helping my mom in her last days. I learned about being on fire for God and seeking the atmosphere of heaven from Infusion. I learned about laying my life down to follow Jesus when I was baptized, when I was filled with the Holy Spirit.

All this was leading up to a decision I knew I had to make, and on December 20, 2006, I wrote this in my diary:

It’s time. I can’t continue to deny what I know the Spirit is telling me. I’m being called to full-time ministry.

Wow. Now full-time ministry is a loaded term, and I was the first to admit I didn’t have a clue what it would look like. You need to understand that it had only been a few short years since I had been living in the state of mind that the Church in the West was dying, that evangelism was something only a few die-hard Christian fanatics were into (certainly not me), and that my main obligation to God was to fulfill my ambitions to become a famous musician/artist and computer entrepreneur. Even though I believed all the “right stuff” about God, Jesus, and Christianity, I felt my calling was 100% in the secular arena. Church was for dorks. A bunch of boring people sitting around in ugly buildings singing mediocre pop-ripoff songs and talking about going to heaven someday. I found life right here on earth far too interesting to fixate on all that rubbish. I’d fellowship with a few Christian friends here and there, and hang out with my family, but basically, I was all about working on the projects I wanted to accomplish so I could make my way in the world.

Thus, if someone had approached me back in, say, 2003, and prophesied that I would be dedicating myself completely to God’s service and contemplating entering into a life of ministry, I would have thought they were certifiably insane. I was about as cut out to be a missionary or a pastor as a cat is cut out to lay eggs. It seemed ludicrous. Dammit Jim, I’m a creative geek, not a church minister!

But none of that matters. When God tells you to do a thing, you do it, lest you ignore Him at your peril. I had come too far down the road to spiritual awakening and blessing to turn my back on Him now. So I accepted the call. I began to align my life in such a way that, when the time was right, I could enter in the full expression of the destiny that God had placed on my life.

That was almost two years ago. What has happened since then? What about right now? I’m still working in the computer industry. I’m still an artist working on music. Why didn’t everything just go “poof” and all of a sudden I’m wearing a clergyman’s collar and preaching on the hidden meanings of Leviticus? Well, in case you hadn’t noticed, God doesn’t work that way. Yet, while He works in mysterious ways, He does work in tangible ways if you have the eyes to see and ears to hear. So I’ve been on a journey of discovery throughout 2007 and so far this year, a journey that has led me to some very exciting discoveries and some very interesting conclusions. And they are…? Well, you’ll just have to tune in next time for Behind the Curtain: Present Unveiled. Until then, be blessed in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ!

I’ve been holding out on you. I’ve been keeping secrets. Isn’t that awful? In this postmodern era of cultural transparency, authenticity, the death of privacy, etc., and being a blogger to boot, I haven’t been disclosing all the things going on in my life. To a certain extent, it’s been because of two reasons, nay, three — first of all, I’m wary of coming off as a narcissist. I’d rather let my actions speak louder than my words. Second, this is a public blog, potentially read by family, friends, co-workers, church goers, and enemies alike (not that I have any, of course). I write a little something here, I literally shout it out to the whole world, so I need to tread carefully. Last but not least, I’m always mindful of valuing and protecting the revelation that God has given me, and I’d rather err on the side of quiet stillness before God than flippant boasting.

That being said, I finally feel like I’ve got the green light to begin to unveil and unpack the general thrust of the spiritual journey I’ve been on. This will take a few posts to get through, but once it is complete, I’ll be prepared to make some substantial announcements about the direction of this blog as well as the upcoming launch of an exciting Web site project. Piqued your interest yet? Read on…

The best place to start is a couple of years ago. (For more personal backhistory, read this post featuring my testimony.) In the summer of 2006, I attended a local photography workshop taught by a couple of itinerant photojournalists. These guys traveled all over the world at the behest of various organizations and missionary groups interested in arts education. In our case, some friends of mine got a bunch of people together who knew each other mainly through a Bible study/fellowship. At any rate, I knew these guys were Christians, but I figured I was attending to learn how to take better photos.

I definitely got my money’s worth on that score, and my photography skills were noticeably improved, but the most important thing I got out of the sessions had nothing to do with art. They explained to us that they saw their work as photographers as more than just a livelihood or an opportunity to express themselves (the typical artist shtick). They felt that God had called them supernaturally to fulfill a higher destiny, and their art was simply a bridge to reach out to people, to enrich lives, to share the love of Christ, to make a difference in the world. These men weren’t just floating through life trying to stay above water — they were living intentional lives of divine adventure, of radical obedience, of crazy devotion to God as His beloved children. To illustrate just how crazy these dudes were, when we were out on a field trip taking pics, one guy got a phone call from an orphanage down in South America somewhere. It wanted them to teach several hundred kids how to take photos. Since their calendar for the next couple of weeks was clear, they said “sure, you’re on!” And that was that. Crazy.

During these sessions, we learned the art of taking photographs, but we also learned the art of living. We were challenged to give ourselves fully over to God’s will for our lives. We were exhorted to live lives of purpose. We were entreated to pray and ask God to show us what He desired for us, and then go after that destiny with zeal and passion and holy surrender — no matter dangers might lie ahead, no matter what the odds.

That was the beginning of a sea change in my life, a change of heart and enlightenment that sparked a fire within me. I began to feel like all during my life prior, I had only been sleepwalking. My eyes were beginning to open. I was filled with a holy discontent, a longing for something greater than I was experiencing. I wanted to feel like I was “on safari” like those nutty photographers, leaving the safety of the ordinary for the thrill of the unknown. I didn’t want to live for my own pleasure anymore. I wanted to live for God, to live under the leading and guidance of the Holy Spirit — wherever He might take me.

The next phase in my spiritual journey was October 2006. Banning Liebscher of JesusCulture graciously came down to our church and put on a mini-conference which we called Infusion. To say we were infused with the fire and Spirit of God during this time is a gross understatement. It utterly transformed my life. Ever since I have attended both the winter and summer JesusCulture conferences in Redding, CA, and every single time I have encountered God and left a new man. No matter what happens in my life, good or bad, this I know: I’ll never be the same again.

The main thing I got out of Infusion was this: being a Christian isn’t saying I believe in some doctrines written in a book and that I believe that this man called Jesus really was God and saved me from sin and death through the crucifixion and resurrection recorded in said book. Being a Christian means being radically in love with God, crazy in love with my Father in Heaven, totally on fire for Jesus, ready to lay down my life for a Savior who lay down His for mine, pressing into the supernatural dimension of Heaven to bring God’s glory down to earth. His kingdom come, His will be done on earth as it is in heaven. That idea of a Spirit-filled, supernatural walk with God filled with hope, power, love, daring, adventure, romance, and ultimate fulfillment was breathtaking. Could this really be true? Was this really what the Bible was talking about? How could I have read it wrong all those years growing up? Was Banning nuts, or was I ignorant?

I was already fed up with my Christianity-in-a-Box and my dry, powerless approach to relationship with God, so Infusion lived up to its name. I walked away infused with a new sense of spiritual empowerment. God really cares about me, and He really has a plan for my life. A wonderful plan. All I need to do is seek Him out and embrace all that He has for me.

I was baptized for the first time in November 2006, even though I had accepted Jesus when I was, like 5 years old (probably in 1987 or so). I believe I had already been baptized in the Holy Spirit for a while prior to my water baptism, but when I came up out of the water, I spoke in tongues! That was a huge step forward for me, because it gave me a new spiritual tool I could use in my pursuit of God. To this day, I can’t imagine spending any length of time in prayer without speaking in my private prayer language. I value this gift more highly than gold.

By the time December of 2006 rolled around, I was feeling more and more the weight of God’s calling on my life, and something in me just couldn’t shake the feeling that everything I perceived concerning myself and my destiny was going to change. I had always seen myself as an artist and a computer entrepreneur. But those are gifts. They’re not assignments. God was getting ready to give me an assignment.

In the waning hours of 2006, on December 20 to be precise, I made a decision and wrote about it in my diary. I had been reading Mark Batterson’s book “In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day” when, all of a sudden, something just clicked. I knew, I knew that God was ready to set me on a new path, a new trajectory in my life, and I had to make a choice to accept or reject that call.

I’ll tell you what happened in my next post: Behind the Curtain: Future Unveiled. Thanks for reading…see you then!

I’ve been wondering what I should blog about coming out of this period of time. So much to talk about…where do I begin? Then all of a sudden it came to me…write about the oil of gladness. For that is what I believe God has given me as a reward for my struggles. Contained within this oil of gladness is an element of favor, an element of revelation and understanding, an opening of the “eyes of the heart” and a seeing into one’s purpose and destiny. I’ll be writing about this much more in the coming weeks. It should be good.

In the meantime, a couple of relevant passages in Scripture are Psalm 45:7 (quoted again in Hebrews 1:9) and Isaiah 61:3. Wonderful verses to meditate on!

In late 2004, I went on a physical diet as well as a spiritual diet. You can read more about the genesis of that in my testimony. I was chasing after God and trying to bring myself out of a long-standing spiritual apathy, but I hadn’t really gotten a tangible touch from Him yet at that time. Then in 2005 my mom started going to the Healing Rooms in Petaluma, CA because of serious health and emotional issues. She had gone a few times without me when one day I drove down to meet her there after her session. I arrived early, so I had to wait a while for them to finish.

Now listen, this was bizarre. I wasn’t there for an appointment. I didn’t even quite understand what they were doing. I had no expectations anything was going to happen to me in the slightest. All I did was show up, and the moment I walked into that slightly-stuffy, aging, medical-like building in downtown Petaluma — WHOOSH! It was like stepping onto another planet.

It’s hard for me to remember exactly what was going through my mind at the time, but to use language I’ve learned since then, I had entered into a spiritual atmosphere. God was there…even though of course He is everywhere…His manifest presence was in that place. I could feel it. It was a tangible reality. I sat down in the waiting room, feeling waves of peace and love and a sense of belonging, of coming home, washing over me. And then the coolest thing happened — someone else was in that waiting room, and we got to talking. I was 22 at the time, she was in her sixties. But we made an instant connection. We were kindred spirits, as Anne Shirley would say. We had an amazing conversation that seemed to last for hours. It was the first taste of holy fellowship in the body of Christ that I had experienced in a long time, and it felt good.

I didn’t just encounter the Holy Spirit that day, I experienced unity in the Spirit. There is nothing like it, nothing like it on earth. It’s incredible. Barbara and I are still good friends to this very day, and currently attend the same church: Grace Fellowship. Interesting aside — the second time I felt the tangible presence of the Holy Spirit, that glorious spiritual atmosphere, was when I stepped foot in Grace’s sanctuary for the first time in late 2005. But that’s a whole ‘nuther story.

I could tell you about when I first started speaking in tongues (right after I was water baptized in late 2006), or when I first started receiving heavenly dreams or visions, or when I first heard His voice calling out to me, but really my entire journey up to this very moment began when I first encountered Him in that stuffy little storefront in downtown Petaluma. I’ll remember that day as long as I live.

Only four months later…the Florida “outpouring” has dwindled to a few hundred people at the original starting church, and the leader of the revival, Todd Bentley, is now in the midst of a marital crisis and fierce doctrinal controversy that has left the broader charismatic movement reeling. Charisma Magazine wrote up in good detail the latest news as we know it.

I want to be very clear: I have been personally blessed by Todd Bentley’s ministry in the past, and some of his closest friends in ministry are people I know and trust (not personally, but in terms of spiritual fruit and teaching). So I don’t want to make light of this tragedy in any way, and I am praying for him and his family’s recovery and healing.

But something is going on in the Body of Christ right now, and we need to discern what is happening and not give way to doubt and hardness of heart. The first question we need to ask is: is the Lakeland revival over? I believe it is. But that’s the wrong question. The real question is: is revival over? And the answer to that is an emphatic NO!

I spent the last several days very distressed about this sequence of events, and as I’ve been seeking the Lord for answers, I’ve begun to sense some things that I think are important to remember and understand. I’ll just walk through some of my thoughts in bullet-point form:

• True revival is not about a person, a place, or a thing. It is about the sovereign move of Almighty God in response to Jesus followers crying out to Him from the depths of their souls.
• True revival is not about angles, visions, prophecies, miracles, visitations, glory clouds, gemstones, gold dust, oil, and other signs and wonders. It is about Jesus Christ. It is about His power to restore all the that enemy has stolen. It is about transformation. “I once was lost, but now I’m found. I once was blind, but now I see.” That’s revival.
• True revival cannot be beamed across a TV screen or performed on the platform. It cannot be told, it cannot be explained, and it cannot be contained. Because, you see, revival is the violent move of God in glory and power, and God — last time I looked — is not a video feed or a worship band or a talking head with a microphone up on stage.
• True revival is not a church, or a conference, or a tent, or a style, or a method, or a format, or a culture, or a tradition. True revival is timeless and transcendent, because God is outside of time and beyond this universe.
• When true revival comes, it will convict people to go out. All eyes will not be on any person, place, or thing. It will be on Jesus Christ. People will not wait for the “fire” to come to their city in pomp and circumstance before they go out and minister to people in the name of Jesus. They will go out and minister to people in the name of Jesus in order to bring the fire of God down to their city.
• When true revival comes, it will be messy, but it will not be flabby. It will not be frayed around the edges. It will not focus on the biggest and brightest and best and ignore the details. The devil is NOT in the details. God is in the details. The first shall be last, and the last first. When true revival comes, it will not be about flash, it will be about substance. It will be about meeting people’s needs where they are. It will be about speaking to people in a language they can understand. It will be about being all things to all men in order to preach the good news of Jesus Christ.
• Oh how arrogant to think that only the superficial gloss of “charismania” heralds the arrival of revival. Lord, forgive us of our pride, our presumption. Forgive us of our need for hype and attention instead of conviction and consecration. Forgive us for looking to men to bring us into your Holy Presence when all we need is a spirit willing to yield itself to you.

There is a shift going on…a shift in the Body of Christ right now where people are beginning to realize that the hallmark of every true revival is a gripping fear of the Lord and a powerful, irresistible yearning for holiness and purification. I felt this already when I was up at the JesusCulture conference a couple of weeks ago. More on that another time. Suffice it to say, it was an incredible, life-changing time, but not because of signs and wonders but because of God’s holy presence and the palpable feeling of intense spiritual hunger in the room that demanded a transformational response from heaven. We got down on our knees and we gave our all to Jesus, everything, without reservation, without hesitation. The conviction of the Holy Spirit was so strong that I was ready to repent of sins I haven’t even committed yet. That was a joke, in case you missed it.

So is the revival over? No! It’s just now truly beginning! Some people are saying the Lakeland “revival” was false and of the devil. I believe it was of God when it initially started. Other people are saying that the revival was real all along and the devil is now trying his best to shut it down. No, I believe that too is of God, although the devil is certainly on the offensive.

I believe God used Lakeland as a catalyst for radical spiritual hunger and has now shut down what was quickly turning into a quagmire in order for real revival to break out spontaneously, earnestly, sincerely, and sustainably across this dry land we call America. This time revival won’t be about Todd Bentley, or Lakeland, or God TV, or apostles, or miracles, or media, or glory clouds, or angelic hosts, or worship music, or prophecies, or anything else. It will be about one thing and one thing only: Jesus Christ. We will encounter Jesus, be saved by Jesus, be delivered by Jesus, be changed by Jesus, be loved by Jesus, be equipped by Jesus, and be sent out by Jesus to go do the compassionate works of Jesus in order for the world to hear about Jesus and see Jesus and be set free by Jesus.

If revival isn’t about Jesus, and Him alone, then somehow, somewhere, we’ve lost the plot.

“On that day many will say to me, Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name? And then will I declare to them, I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.” — Matthew 7:22-23

Read the first part
Read the second part

Where was I? Oh yes, JesusCulture, which is the brainchild of…nope, I already did that part. OK, so we went up to Redding, CA to attend the conference, and in past years, we’ve come away with body, soul, and spirit all reeling from the intenseness of it all. This year was no different. That Bethel Church crowd up there really puts you to work. Don’t ever go check them out if you don’t intend to jump, scream, shout, laugh, cry, stand up, kneel down, and — most importantly — worship Jesus Christ with your entire being and then some.

Now due to a, ahem, misunderstanding with who was supposed to get which tickets when, I wasn’t able to get into the main convention center auditorium. Last time when that happened (yes, I seem to be prone to other people forgetting my tickets), I had to go sit in the overflow room elsewhere in the convention center and watch a video screen. Thankfully, Holy Spirit is bigger than distance, and He did some awesome things in that room, but I wasn’t too keen on missing out on the grand experience.

However, apparently I and about 1,500 other people were in the same predicament, so those zany dudes up in Redding (is it something in the water?!?!) decided to put on an overflow CONFERENCE at the church itself. Get this: JesusCulture started out at Bethel Church. Then it outgrew the church, so they moved it to the local convention center. Now, it’s outgrown the convention center, and they had to move part of it back into the church. How long do you think it’ll take before both the convention center AND the church (which is not small by any means) are BOTH too small to fit all the people who want to come? Not long.

Alright, now on to the highlights of the event. It turns out that our overflow conference had some perks that the other people didn’t get to enjoy. Yes, we had video screens with satellite feeds of the main sessions, but we also had a bunch of live presentations and some live worship music for our own group as well, so it was fine. But the cool thing is that we got to have a healing revival right in our midst that they never had at the center!

What happened is that one of the live presentations was about receiving words of knowledge for people with physical or emotional ailments and asking them if they need prayer for those conditions. After talking about it for a while, Scott Johnson (the presenter) decided it was time to give it a whirl. So he asked everyone in the audience to ask the Lord to give them a word. Then he asked people to come forward up to the podium if they had received a word. Scores of people came up, and he started going on down the line asking them what the word was. They would call it out (pain in the left knee, tumor in the abdomen, fibromyalgia, what have you), and then when people would raise their hands in response, the person with the word of knowledge would go out in the audience to pray. This process went on uninterrupted for quite some time, and those of us without words or ailments called out were asked to find someone who needed prayer and join in on that.

Sitting next to me was a young lady who told me she had hurt her ankle while playing soccer, so I prayed for her healing. After a few moments, I asked her how it was doing, and she said it was a little better — but little isn’t good enough, so I prayed some more. She said it was better still, but at that point I felt that it probably needed a bit of time for God to work on it. That, or she was just being polite….but I always try to point my faith towards God when in doubt. Back to this story in a moment…

A whole bunch of people in the audience got healed, and some testimonies were just amazing. Serious injuries were healed, chronic diseases, muscular or skeletal immobility, you name it. Remember, these were audience members getting words for audience members praying for audience members. There was no “big man in a fancy suit” up in the front making it all happen. It was a God thing, not a diamond-studded preacher thing.

The incredible thing that happened, which I’ll never forget, is later when I was sitting on a bench outside waiting for a ride, a girl of, oh, 12 perhaps, came out in an obvious state of emotional turmoil and phoned her mom. I don’t think she realized I was sitting only a few feet away. “Mom, mom, you’ll never believe what’s happened! I’ve been HEALED!!!” Apparently, one of her legs had been longer than the other, and it made it awkward to kneel down or perform certain maneuvers, and she said it had felt “funny”. But now, in this service, her legs had supernaturally evened out (I don’t if one grew longer or the other grew shorter), and by God’s power, they were no longer askew! She could barely talk on the phone out of shock and amazement and excitement, and one can hardly blame her. It’s pretty cool when you get to see how an ordinary person outside of any manufactured hoopla is truly touched by the Holy Spirit.

But wait, there’s more! Previous to this, I had been walking by on my way out of the church when I overheard a women getting prayer from some church ministry folks for a sinus condition. For some reason, I felt in my spirit I needed to wait. So I waited nearby, and when they were done praying, she asked for prayer for her ankle. Now when you’ve prayed for someone in a certain way and they’ve gotten better, it gives you the faith to pray for that condition again for someone else. So I told her I’d just prayed for someone with an ankle problem and I’d be honored to pray for her. So I did, and very quickly she reported a big improvement and started dancing around (she was a dancer). Praise the Lord! This was before I ended up bumping to the young lady I’d prayed for originally who told me her ankle was a LOT better. Just like I’ve said on my blog, faith works.

Speaking of which, when she and her friend came outside (after I’d overheard the even-legs-girl’s phone call), they offered to give me a ride back to the convention center…which just goes to show you that the old saying is true: one good turn deserves another.

So I had a fantastic time up at JesusCulture, and it gave me a spiritual reboot in order to be more effective in my work and daily life. It’s easy to lose sight of God’s magnificence when you get mired down in the doldrums of performing various mundane activities every day. May it never be so, Lord, may it never be so! I pray we will always be aware of how close you are and how much over-the-top love you have for every one of us!

Catch ya later….