Reading this post at LifeChurch.tv’s Swerve blog, I really felt convicted that I don’t often live out what I profess to believe. I’ve been extremely blessed to possess a generally optimistic personality and the means to make a good living, so I haven’t had to grapple with putting food on the table and basic cares of that nature. If I did, I certainly would have to get on my knees and pray for faith and strength!
But what I do worry about is that oh-so-trendy word called “purpose”. I don’t want to just live for the next paycheck and the next worship service and the next lunch with a friend and the next little trip to the seaside for a few hours of relaxation. I want to do something deeply profound and meaningful that will give my life a reason to be here in this place at this time and that will leave a grand legacy for my family and all the people I can influence.
If you read between the lines in that previous paragraph, you will no doubt notice something very obvious: I want to feel good about myself. Being important, being a somebody, taking the world by storm, changing things for the better — it all makes ME feel like I’M pretty darn cool. That’s not living by the Spirit in the realm of faith, that’s living by my arrogant ambitions in the realm of the flesh.
In short, just like Craig mentioned in the above-linked post, I believe in God but practically I’m an atheist. Why? Because if I REALLY believed that God would use me for His purposes in His good time, I would be content to live one day at a time and trust God for tomorrow.
Lord, help me to trust you enough that I don’t care about being somebody important. Help me to trust you enough that the most glorious deed I could possibly do in the entire world might just be to smile at someone on the street corner or give someone an encouraging heavenly word when they’ve hit rock bottom. Help me to trust you enough that I live out YOUR purpose for YOUR kingdom. Not my will, but Yours be done, Father! To echo Rick Warren’s refrain in The Purpose-Driven Life:
It’s not about me!
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Darn, and I was right there with you in that first paragraph! It all sounded soooo good! Do something big for God, get the credit for it, be known forever for the great thing you/I did!
Wow, it really does sound hollow though, doesn’t it? The purpose becomes about you and not God. He gets left by the wayside…
I appreciate your prayer and pray it with you! Oh, that we would all see with God’s eyes, and act only on His initiative. That the life of Christ would be what the world sees when they look at us, His radiance, His love, His mercy. I pray the LORD helps us to get over ourselves and get on with His work.
Thank you for your honesty and pure heart!