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Happyness

I watched part of The Pursuit of Happyness last night at our weekly small group, and it got me thinking of the whole concept of “happyness” and what it means to have that odd mixture of joy, peace, passion, and wholeness. One of the questions our group leader asked was, can we ever truly be happy? Or is it just something we spend our whole lives pursuing only to experience fleeting moments that vanish almost before they’ve begun?

One thing I’ve definitely discovered which turns a lot of pop culture on its head: love does not make you happy. OK, before you get the wrong impression, let me clarify: the emotions and expressions of love are incredible and definitely contribute to happiness. However, those feelings aren’t a given. We all have down days. We get tired. We get sick. We get frustrated with circumstances. People hurt us or neglect us. We feel misunderstood. Things just “go wrong”. We can’t expect to find some kind of nirvana where “love” makes everything great.

And for the Christians out there, I have to tell you something which turns a lot of pop religion on its head — God’s love can’t always be apprehended. Sometimes the depth of His love for me is staggering, and I know how much He cares for me. But sometimes I feel completely dry, empty, and void, and when I try to reach out to Him I get nothing but silence.

So what’s the answer? What do we do when we hit rock bottom? How are we supposed to handle ourselves when everything seems out of whack and we feel so…alone?

I think the answer can be found in the Bible, and it’s called faith. Yes, go ahead, roll your eyes, label me as another one of these woolly-headed faith nutters, but hear me out. By faith I do not mean accenting to certain intellectual propositions for which there is little evidence. I mean the first meaning I read in my dictionary:

Faith (noun): 1. complete trust or confidence in someone or something

To be truly happy, we must believe in something greater than ourselves. I find a very direct correlation between my faith level and my propensity to depression. I must maintain my ability to live by faith every day or my spirit will whither. As a Christian, my faith starts at the cross. I believe that Jesus is the ultimate beginning and end of the universe and my reality, and that everything I need to live an eternally successful and prosperous life (and I mean that in a spiritual sense, not materialistic) can only be found in Him. But my faith doesn’t end there. I also need to have faith in myself. In some of my darkest moments, I have discovered that God believes in me more than I believe in myself! I mean, if my Father in Heaven is cheering me on and rooting for me, then why am I holed up in a cave so to speak? (Hey now, Elijah had some moments of self-doubt and fear too! Read I Kings 19:9.)

But…there’s one more thing! I need to have faith in other people. I need to trust. I am convinced that without being able to give trust freely to people who are trustworthy, you can never achieve lasting happiness. There are certainly a lot of human beings who have done despicable things. Perhaps you have been seriously abused in the past and find it hard to trust anyone now. But if you want to find that sense of prosperity of soul and joy one more, you must begin to open your heart again. A closed heart is a dead heart. Happiness is the abundant life that Jesus talks about in John 10:8, and that requires walking the path of faith and trust.

I have realized something in the past few months. Relationships can bring out a lot of things in you, and some of them are pretty ugly. I have realized that I don’t trust the future. I’m pretty good at believing in people in terms of not concluding they have malicious intent towards me, but when it comes to believing that all will be well down the road, I suck at it. My level of confidence that I will continue to be loved, or understood, or treated well, or that I will be as happy as I am now is not high. Somewhere inside of me is an underlying dread that something bad will happen and it’ll all be over. This surfaces when I reach bumpy waters — instead of thinking the good times are the true reality and troubles will pass soon, I think that the good times are an anomaly and the hardships and despair are the real McCoy.

This is backwards thinking! My eternal destination is with God in Heaven! No matter how difficult things get, it is certain that “one day” I will be truly happy. I need never lose hope or let my faith wither. God is in control, and I am not — thank God!

I want to reach the point where I can weather the storm because I know deep down that “peace, be still” is on the other side. This is my struggle right now. If I am secure in my vision for the future, then I can relax and enjoy the little joys and wins that happen every day. Everyone says it’s better to “live in the moment.” Well, I can’t do that if I’m always worrying about the future. Faith is the antidote to anxiety.

I’m ready to move mountains, Lord!

Whirlwind!

The last month and a half has been a complete whirlwind! My engagement to Rosemary has been the best season of my entire life, and it keeps on getting better. God is so amazing! We know we wouldn’t be here without His guidance and care in our lives. It goes without saying that being in love and planning a wedding together with family and friends is exciting and special. Though there have been some challenges and hurdles to overcome, both logistically and personally, it’s much easier to work through issues that come up as a team knowing that we got each other’s back. Being in a courtship (or a “serious dating relationship”) was one thing, and we had some good times, but it was hard not feeling like we were really close or open to sharing in some difficult situations. This is so much more awesome — we are able to move forward in freedom towards joining our lives together!

I know I haven’t blogged much lately…Rosemary and I are planning on setting up an official “wedding” site with our love story and information about our upcoming wedding, so once that’s online I can link to it from here and share a lot more with you all.

One parting thought: I think something a lot of people don’t realize is that a godly romance and the marriage relationship as God intended isn’t something that just happens to you one day and then you try to figure out how make it work somehow. It’s an all-encompassing process that refines you and molds you and transforms you into a brilliant reflection of the image of Jesus Christ. It’s not “fun” — though romance can be incredibly fun — and it’s not “duty” — though a serious relationship requires sacrifice and responsibility — it’s essentially education. I’ve learned more about myself and how to love others since Rosemary came into my life than I ever did before. It’s a deep and profound experience. And that is exactly what God is after. I believe marriage is a life-long commitment to learning more about your spouse, yourself, and the eternal character and purposes of God, in every moment of every day spent together. That is what I’m looking forward to with eagerness, tenderness, and joyful anticipation.

Wow! I am going to get married!!! :D

Twitter Updates for Friday, June 19th

  • The more you worship God, the bigger He gets and the smaller your problems get. So if you seem lost in anxiety or doubt…Hallelujah! #
  • That last tweet was directed at myself. :) #

Twitter Updates for Thursday, June 18th

Twitter Updates for Wednesday, June 17th

  • I can only give as much love as I’ve received love — and there’s no better place to find that than at the Source: I need the Father’s love. #

Twitter Updates for Tuesday, June 16th

Twitter Updates for Monday, June 15th

  • I don’t know what it is about Mondays, but somehow I always feel completely gunked up, like there’s sticky goo in my head. I need sleep… #

Twitter Updates for Friday, June 5th

  • I wouldn’t be the man I am now if I hadn’t gone through what I did then. Past trials are now spiritual withdrawls on the leadership journey. #
  • RT: Lord, prepare me for what you want me to do this month and I’ll try not to screw it up. (via @jameslaws) #

Twitter Updates for Wednesday, June 3rd

  • Love: simultaneously the source of our greatest frustrations and our greatest joys. Been meditating a lot on recognizing love’s nuances #

Stewarding God’s blessings

Have you ever had the strange experience of working really hard towards a particular goal in order to achieve a certain outcome or obtain a certain prize, only to discover that upon receiving the fruit of your labor, you weren’t quite sure how to handle it or what to do next?

Have you ever been surprised to discover that when a dream you’ve held dear for so long finally comes true, you aren’t necessarily feeling a sense of happy-go-lucky bliss so much as you are experiencing a heavy weight of serious responsibility?

Well, both have happened to me lately. And I’m learning a lot about how to steward God’s blessings in the process. I’m also learning how to find acceptance and peace in areas where my instinctual fear of failure might otherwise cripple my sound judgement and enjoyment of the moment.

Getting married is no small feat. And I’m not talking about planning a ceremony; I’m talking about planning a life together. I dreamed for so long of finding a wife — a beautiful woman of God that He had prepared for me. Then when I believed I had found such a woman, I dreamed that she would come to love me deeply and one day embrace me as her husband. The funny things about daydreams are that they float around in the air, so to speak, and are easy to push aside and return to at will. They are real in one sense, because the choices we make and the prayers we offer to the Lord are affected by our dreams, but they are ungrounded. Their roots are shallow.

When a dream becomes reality, it is no longer a future aspiration. It is HERE and NOW. It is in front of your very eyes. You are responsible for it. You have a mandate to take care of it — to steward it, to protect it, to nurture it, to water and fertilize it and make it grow. You don’t have an excuse. You can’t say you’re not ready yet. You can’t say you’re not experienced enough or wise enough. You can’t delay it. You can’t put it on a shelf and come back to it at a later time. Your dream came true, Mister. Your long-held desires were just fulfilled, Sister. The ball’s in your court now. Are you going to “man up”, take a deep breath, and play your hand, or are you going to chicken out and blow the whole deal?

Don’t worry, I have no intention of going anywhere. I am so happy right now. I am crazy excited about the next few months. Rosemary and I are having a wonderful time! Yet, even in the midst of all the joy and festivities, there is a weight that I feel, and I can’t shake it. I am now responsible for another human being’s life, a person I care deeply about. She has placed all of her trust in my hands. The strange thing is, I’m the one who asked her to do it, and now that she has, I’m praying to God I don’t do anything stupid to betray her trust.

I want to be a good steward. And I think I’ll be OK as long as I put my faith in the Good Shepherd. He’s better at this than I am. I know I’ll have all the help I need to make it through.

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About the Author

JARED WHITE is a musician, a Web developer, a photographer, and a Charismatic Christian who believes that the Spirit of God is moving dramatically across the world today and impacting entire nations with the Gospel of the Kingdom. He writes frequently about living as a disciple of Jesus Christ in the 21st Century and isn't afraid to ask the hard questions — of himself more than anyone.

Regular topics include the intersection of postmodern culture and spirituality, creative and prophetic arts, miraculous signs and wonders, the emerging future of the Church, and the occasional dive into the shark-infested waters of scientific and political commentary.

Jared lives in Santa Rosa, Sonoma County, California, and calls Grace Fellowship his spiritual home.

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